"PROTECT YOURSELF"

Sometimes , our best friends are not people. If you’re a crazy dog lover like me, you get it. Unfortunately, I live in an apartment in NYC and I’m not allowed dogs but that doesn’t stop me from loving up every dog I encounter in my neighborhood. And if you’re a cat owner, perhaps your best friend is your cat. As an animal lover, I don’t find this unusual at all. And I imagine there are millions that would agree that would consider their pet their best friend. Who else loves you unconditionally? Who else runs around in circles or purrs whenever you come home? As long as you feed them and give them some attention, they love you and are loyal to the end. If you’re a cat or dog owner, more than likely, you don’t regard your cat or dog as your pet. They’re family. Speaking of family… Meet Tucker – this beautiful, sweet blonde labrador who lives with my sister and brother-in-law in New Hampshire. It wasn’t always a “Dog’s Life” for Tucker, at least not until my sister adopted him. From the moment she saw Tucker, she was determined to give him a better life – filled with love, play, lots of exercise, good food, lots of attention and a place to put his head down at night feeling loved and safe. I don’t think people are the only sentient beings who need to feel love and safety. It’s an assumption to think that animals don’t have a soul. And now? One only has to see the love Tucker and my sister they have for each other. It’s beautiful to watch the devotion my sister and Tucker have for each other. As busy as her life is, she’s never too busy for her best friend. She says they’re soulmates. Crazy? Who cares – they give each other so much joy. Tucker has been the best teacher for my sister. He reminds her of the importance of promises, being present, having fun in life, living in the NOW, and loving unconditionally. And he loves affection, even when he just wants to sleep. Somehow, he knows that it makes you happy to love him. He’s patient and sweet to his core. Never underestimate where you’ll find your best friend and how much they can alter your life – even if they don’t speak a word. Love shows up in many ways, and often in the most unimaginable. Tucker has changed our lives forever – and for the better. We love you Tuck xoxo I hope YOU have a Tucker in your life.

Sometimes “letting go” is the best thing to do. I know what that feels like and it’s not as simple as saying “ok, now I’m going to let go of this thing I’m holding on to so tightly and want to control.” Unfortunately, it’s not that easy and real change doesn’t work that way. Letting go is no exception. The fact remains that some things in life are beyond our control. Most of us know this, yet we still try to control outcomes, change a situation, change a person, or change their mind. I think it must be our human condition to want things to go our way all the time – a desire to live without suffering and discomfort. Wanting to change what might be unchangeable may not be the most creative and best use of our time. And it can lead to frustration and inner turmoil. It seems to be a law of nature when we struggle with something, we meet resistance – mostly ourselves. It’s like coming to a dead end and there’s no place to go. Please don’t spend another moment with things you cannot change. Knowing when to put down your struggle is not the same as giving up. Time is so precious and the inability to let go of what you cannot change might be holding you back. There’s a freeing up and sense of peace to let go of what might be tying you in a knot. If you catch yourself wanting to control or change a situation, ask yourself “is this doable? Am i just spinning my wheels? Is this my ego wanting to be behind the steering wheel and can I really control this? If the answer is no, it just might be time to move on. And remember to keep moving forward…

My two days in solitary were tranquil, insightful, reflective. An opportunity to get closer to myself. To hear only one voice – my own. I’ve come to enjoy the spaciousness of silence in solitary and the value in it. I find without it, the voice in my head is too loud, busy with noise that doesn’t serve me well. Noise that brings on my anxiety, and distracting thoughts. As I continue to develop and grow, I seem to have a deeper appreciation of just being still. And the benefits of being in solitary are immeasurable. For some, that’s uncomfortable I was not thrust into solitary confinement as in prison. Although, many people might look at it that way. I was on a solitary retreat, unplugged from all communication. I chose to do this, knowing that it could be challenging – a deeper looking. No distractions, except for the voice in my head that kept saying, “maybe I should be doing something.” But the point of a solitary is to unwind from the noise and busyness of our daily lives. And for some, that may be doing nothing. Yet so much happens in the “nothingness.” Spending time with myself on a solitary retreat, shut off from the “outside world” was an opportunity to get more intimate with myself. If I can’t be intimate with me, how can I be intimate with others? And I believe much of our happiness hinges on our ability to connect with others in a very authentic and human way. But I think intimacy has to start with ourselves. I read, slept, meditated and sat with whatever thoughts came into my mind. I can’t say that every hour was a picnic. Because not every thought was pleasant. But I sat with what was. Not with fear, but with kindness and curiosity. I didn’t try to change anything or do anything. That’s something novel for me. There’s a sense of liberation looking inwards, however difficult that may be. There’s a freedom in coming to grips with who I am and learning to like myself a bit more, in spite of my imperfections. All of us deserve to find that kind of inner peace. I gave myself the gift of my time. I hope you can find what gifts you need. And then give them to yourself. 

Appreciate the small things. Appreciate the beauty that surrounds you. Appreciate the people in your life. Never take for granted what brings you joy. After 17 months, I’m visiting family who live on the beautiful coast of Maine. My heart has been filled since spending time with my sister and brother-in-law, and their sweet beautiful lab dog, Tucker. And my much awaited visit with my nephew who lights up my life and my two great nieces I could eat up. I love and appreciate the natural beauty of the ocean that lifts my spirit and soothes my soul. I always feel like I’m “home” when I’m near the ocean, especially on the coast of Maine where my parents settled back in the mid 70’s. It brought them such pleasure to be in such a peaceful, beautiful environment. And I certainly can see why. I can appreciate these happy memories of my parents, knowing how much they loved the coast of Maine and appreciated every day they could look upon this beauty. This is the stuff joy is made of – at least for me. These are precious moments I savor and appreciate. And the memory of them will last a lifetime. What do you value in your life? And do you appreciate it?

Have you been ghosted? And if so, did you still try to follow up? While it may feel uncomfortable to follow up even though you’ve been ghosted, it never hurts to see something through to the very end. Then you can say you tried your very best. Has your client suddenly fallen off the planet? And that hiring manager who said you should expect an offer – is now MIA? Who hasn’t experienced the disappointment and surprise of a cut off communication, without any warning? Electronic communication has made everything feel less personal and there are those who take liberty to disappear, not respond, and be outright inconsiderate. This poor behavior is not the stuff good business relationships are made of. It’s bad business practice. And at some point it will catch up with those who engage by disengaging. Not that it makes the person who’s been ghosted feel any better but it’s a signal that karma really comes back to haunt us. If you’ve been ghosted, it’s hard not to think that perhaps you did something wrong. But that’s rarely the case. Don’t take it personally – it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with the other person. Having good follow up is a vital piece to building your brand, getting exposure, getting the interview, generating leads, and staying on top of business relationships. You can’t afford to leave the ball in someone else’s court. You’ll be setting yourself up for disappointment by making assumptions. Take the high ground – DM, call, email, text, your business network! Take the initiative – you can do this! You’ll be remembered and respected for it…

Your inner critic is a powerful force. It’s the voice of self-doubt. If you don’t tell it to get lost your inner critic will try to undermine you. Crush your spirit. Make you question yourself. Diminish your self-esteem. More than likely you inner critic has been keeping you company for a long time. It needs to be silenced. And you need to part ways. Let it go… *question the negative thoughts of the inner critic *practice self compassion *develop awareness of your thoughts *replace overly critical thoughts with accurate statements *be patient and kind to yourself as you would a friend *practice mindfulness meditation Be aware of all the wonderful qualities that make up “you” And let that be the loudest voice in your head.

Self-doubt is not incurable. Nor is self-doubt a life threatening disease. Or a terminal medical condition. But it’s very real for the person who suffers from it. And lives with it day in and day out. Self-doubt can be emotionally crippling and steal your life from under you. I often wonder why some of us have a more difficult time than others. Could it be our conditioning? Does society send us mixed messages that are confusing? Whatever the reason is self-doubt is not a life sentence. Like a cancer in the body – it can be removed. If we break the habit of self-criticism And learn to see ourselves In positive new ways that sheds light on our value and strengths. Then we can replace self-doubt with self-worth. And the words we say to ourselves will be “I love me.”

Losing a job is emotionally painful and it can be a lonely experience. It feels isolating and creates so much uncertainty. I know the devastating impact of losing a job and the emotional and financial toll it takes. I understand what it feels like – because I’ve experienced it. And it wasn’t easy. The hardest part about losing my job was the doubt that invaded my thoughts like a faithful shadow. I felt like a failure and found it hard to share my feelings with others. Who could possibly feel what I’m feeling? How wrong I was. Hardships are not easy, otherwise they wouldn’t be called HARDships. But the edges can be softened by sharing what you’re going through with someone who values you. And we’re more likely to put those overwhelming feelings in a more realistic perspective. Giving voice to what feels scary lightens our inner burden. Loss of work definitely comes with baggage. But our work alone doesn’t define us. It isn’t our identity. We’re so much more than what ails us and gives us emotional pain. And it doesn’t take away our character, uniqueness, or value as a person. Nothing and no one can take that away from us.

There are many factors that leave a good impression in a job interview but it's foolish to think if we have the experience and skills, we've landed the job. Of course it's important but there are other things that are considered. How you present is everything. You can look good on paper (resume), but if you're lacking in presentation, personality or character, you won't be leaving the best impression at all. In recruiter's terms we call these "soft skills". Of course you have to sell yourself and your unique skills. However, it's super important how you conduct yourself during the interview. You can't change your personality but you can always brush up on proper interview etiquette. Interview Etiquette Tips (for starters): Never keep an interviewer waiting (sets a bad tone) Don't smoke just before the interview. Lots of people are offended by the smell of smoke Turn smart phone off Don't be more than 10 minutes early for an interview. An interview is scheduled at a specific time for a reason Always bring a resume even if it was sent electronically (bring an extra one in case another person is called into the interview unexpectedly) Dress appropriately (see earlier post, "Dress For Success") Send thank you email within 24 hours I'll cover much more on the "etiquette" topic in future posts. This is just food for thought. "Good Night, And Good Luck" Laura Rivchun PS - This is just a partial list of "do's" and "don'ts" at an interview. If you'd like to find out about some others, contact me at lrcareercoach@gmail.com